So Close
by balletismyobsession
Summary: Blaine knew Cooper would always be there for him. What he failed to truly know was why.
1. Chapter 1

For as long as he can remember, Cooper had always been there.

At picnics on Saturday in the local park, to reading stories before he fell asleep, to walking him to his first day of school and helping him throughout the years with his homework and any advice an older brother was qualified to give, Cooper was the best brother Blaine could have hoped for. They were alike in many ways and though Cooper was twice Blaine's age, it never stopped them from being very close. Blaine had been a surprise, their parents said often, with his mother laughing every time she told the story. And Cooper had been a bit hesitant when he was told he was going to be a brother. But he'd grown okay with the idea when Blaine was born.

They'd shared laughs and fights throughout the years as all brothers do. There was a special present for Blaine from Cooper on every one of his birthdays. Somehow Cooper just knew what to get Blaine for his present. And that was definitely a perk to having a brother who knew you so well. Because their father was always so busy, when Blaine's class gave their annual school plays or "Father's Day" card crafts, Cooper was there. He would schedule excused absences from his classes on those days and Blaine would look for Cooper in the front row or proudly hand him the glitter-crusted cards.

As Blaine grew older, he watched Cooper graduate from high school and then college. He watched him struggle with the ups and downs of job hunting and then the day Cooper moved out. That was hard, for both of them. The day Cooper moved out, he took Blaine out to their favorite diner for breakfast. It had been a quiet morning and though Cooper was only moving twenty minutes away, it felt a lot further. Blaine was twelve at the time. Cooper was twenty-eight. He'd stayed at home much longer than most young adults, but their parents didn't seem to mind much and Blaine certainly didn't want Cooper to go.

More than once, before Cooper left, Blaine would wake up at night and hear whispered conversations between his parents and his brother. Heated, angry conversations or whispered, desperate snatches. Blaine would shut his eyes and curl up in bed. Often, after these fights, Cooper would gently knock on Blaine's door, let himself in, brush back Blaine's hair when he pretended to be asleep, and softly kiss his forehead. Then he would leave and more often than not, Blaine could tell that Cooper had been or was crying. If he tried to ask him in the morning, Cooper would smile, ruffle his hair a bit, and say, "Don't worry about it, buddy."

When Blaine was fourteen, he came out as gay. His parents were quiet and refused to talk about it for a very long time. For some reason, it was harder to tell Cooper. He didn't want to disappoint his brother, the person he looked up to more than anyone. But Cooper had been silent through Blaine's outpour of tears and when he was done, he gathered him in a warm hug, held him so tightly, and said nothing. And that was just what Blaine needed.

At fifteen, Blaine saw Cooper a lot less. They were both just busy; that's what he told himself. After Cooper's phone went to voicemail for the fourth time after ringing and ringing, Blaine had to accept that his brother was ignoring him. And it hurt. A lot. He was having problems at school with his bullies and his loneliness. And now Cooper was ignoring him too. His parents offered no reasons as to why this was, except "adjusting to adult life can be very taxing." And Blaine was having some trouble accepting that Cooper would just completely write him off when they'd been through so much together. Cooper did eventually start calling him back and writing him emails but he never visited after that. Blaine had given him a bit of the cold shoulder but was too happy to have him back to really question the reasons Cooper stated about his job and debts and dating attempts.

It was a few months after his sixteenth birthday that he learned the real reason Cooper had been silent. It was because he was tired, emotionally drained for far too long. He'd cut Blaine off in an attempt to gather his thoughts, to keep from going crazy.

Cooper had come over for dinner, something he hadn't done in a very long time and just the sight of him set a smile on Blaine's face and he hugged him tightly. Just in seeing Cooper had made that grey, drizzly day so much brighter. And everything went fine until after dinner was cleared and the dishes were washed.

It was later on, when their parents had gone to bed and Blaine was eating a third bowl of ice cream that he snuck from the kitchen with Cooper that Blaine licked his spoon and was talking animatedly about some TV show he was into. They were both wearing pajamas, reminiscent of their younger years together, and though Cooper smiled at Blaine, he could tell his older brother had a lot on his mind. Blaine finished his sentence and let his hand drop from the emphasizing gesture.  
"What's wrong, Coop?"  
And his brother smiled again, but it did not reach his eyes. "Nothing, bud."  
"You're lying," Blaine stated bluntly, and when Cooper's dull eyes widened a bit, he knew he had caught him. "Come on. Tell me. Some girl problem?" Blaine smiled and nudged Cooper's shoulder while wiggling his eyebrows in an attempt to lighten the mood. The truth was that Blaine had never seen that much _fear _cloud his brother's vision.

When Cooper was silent, his eyes shifting back and forth to come up with a lie that matched the one Blaine had asked about, Blaine set aside his bowl and scooted closer, staring with what he hoped was understanding. "Coop," he said gently, "whatever it is…I mean, it's not like you robbed a bank or something, right? You can tell me. Come on. I'm your brother."

And the fear in Cooper's gaze cracked when his skin turned so pale and he looked sick and the tears came out of nowhere and then Blaine was scared too because he'd never seen Cooper look like this. Ever. Not when their grandpa died. Not when his last girlfriend had cheated on him. Not ever.

"Coop? Cooper? What… Please. Please tell me."  
His big brother was strong, always had been, and at the sound of Blaine's weak voice, he controlled himself. At least enough to speak. But his eyes were still red and glassy, and his voice was soft and timid.  
"B, I love you. You know I love you. Don't you? You know that, right, Blaine?"  
"Of course," he said softly, trying to look past the desperation in those glassy eyes.  
"You have no idea… No idea how much I love you."  
Cooper had cancer. That was it. Or some other horrible disease. That's why Cooper was doing this, acting like this, breaking down.

Blaine felt tears come to his own eyes as he watched Cooper's emotions flicker from one to the next, obviously having a hard time controlling himself. But if Cooper was sick or dying… Emotion poured over him, making him tremble in worry.

"Blaine, I… There's something I need to t-tell you. I've been h-hiding it for years." His voice dropped to a whisper. "Since before you were born."

The first thing Blaine could say was, "Do mom and dad know?"  
Cooper nodded, but the pain flashed across his face again and he further calmed himself. "You have to let me explain, okay? Promise me you'll stay and let me explain."  
It was Blaine's turn to nod silently. The fear was creeping up ever higher. He almost didn't want to know now if it caused Cooper his much distress and the fact that he'd been hiding it for so very long meant that he didn't ever want anyone to know.

Coinciding with Blaine's train of thought, Cooper took a long breath as he tried to figure out his words, and started slowly, "No one was ever supposed to find out. No one. I was okay with hiding it at first but then… I didn't want to anymore but… I tried to tell you earlier. But—" A memory surfaced in Blaine's mind. Laying in his bed when he was younger, listening to harsh, whispered arguments from his parents and Cooper. "—but it…was just never the right time." He paused and Blaine realized Cooper wasn't looking at him. "We lived in Washington most of my teenage years. That's where mom and dad met. Where they lived for so long. And I met a girl there my freshman year of high school, the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen."

Blaine could feel the confusion on his face. That wasn't right. They'd lived in Ohio all of Cooper's life. Their parents met at a school dance when they were only in middle school. A middle school an hour from where they live now. In Ohio.

"Her name was Lauren. She was my first serious girlfriend. She had the most gorgeous black hair. And we were happy, for a while. We were each other's firsts. But eventually we got to thinking that we were invincible, that we could throw caution out the window with no consequences. And when we were sixteen, she got pregnant."

Blaine's heart dropped in his chest. He couldn't imagine something like that happening to Cooper. It didn't seem real. But he felt empathy for him. He'd seen a few pregnant teens at his school and he could see how hard it must be for them, even if they acted like everything was great all the time.

"And things got hard after that. Her parents kicked her out so she went to live with her aunt a few hours away, and no one at our school knew because it was so early in her pregnancy. I hardly got to see her anymore. But one day, after so long, she called again and told me she'd had the baby. We had wanted it to be a surprise. It was a boy." The tears glistened in Cooper's eyes again. "And I was terrified and happy and everything else and I ditched the rest of school that day to drive to the hospital and I stopped on the way and bought a blue balloon and some flowers and a little teddy bear with a blue ribbon around its neck."

Another memory stirred. A small bear, worn with years of love, wearing a faded blue ribbon and sitting in a pile of other stuffed animals. Blaine's toys.

"And I got there and she handed him to me and I'd never felt that kind of love in my life. I didn't know it existed. But looking down at those tiny hands and my eyes on a much smaller face… There's no way to explain that feeling." Cooper swallowed. "And then she told me she was going to give him up for adoption. Because she couldn't be a mother at sixteen. Because she needed her parents and with a baby, hers would never speak to her again. But I couldn't. I couldn't let her give him up. So I had all the parental rights signed over to me. And I had no idea what I was going to do but I couldn't worry about me anymore. But we moved the next week. Me, mom, dad, and the baby. It was a badge of shame and years of judgment to be a parent in high school. So no one ever found out. And after we moved, Washington seemed like a dream. I tried to contact Lauren but I was never able to. My guess is she moved too, trying to get away from the memories and the pain. And me. I haven't heard from her in over sixteen years and I doubt I will. But Ohio was a new start for us. Dad will forever be ashamed of me and my actions but it's nothing I can't handle. And mom tries, but I can see the stress of the years catching up…"

So many thoughts were swirling in Blaine's head, trying to fit the pieces together of a puzzle he didn't want to see. It wasn't true. It wasn't. Cooper was lying. He grew up in Ohio. They'd always lived in Ohio. But no, a thought stabbed through the mist. _Blaine _had always lived in Ohio. He'd never known anything else. But Cooper, and his mom and dad? It wasn't impossible that they could have lived somewhere else. Now he was the one to feel sick, feel the burn coating his throat, and the confusion pricked with anger in his mind.

"Stop it. Stop it, Cooper! You're lying." But somewhere not so deep down, he knew Cooper would never lie about something like this. And he didn't want to admit that a lot of it made sense. The questions he'd had growing up that were shoved aside or brushed off weren't as easy to answer as he'd thought. But, god, his voice was so, so small and his head was swimming. "You're lying."

"Blaine, I—"

"But dad said—"

Rough hands grabbed Blaine's shoulders, a grasp that did not mean anger, but pleading. "He's not your dad, Blaine. I am."

The sixteen-year age difference. Cooper being at every play Blaine had ever been in, smiling like an idiot in the first row. The look in his parent's eyes that Blaine couldn't quite place. The longing in Cooper's that he'd seen so often without realizing it. Cooper walking him to school and buying him ice cream after ice cream all those years. Everything. It made sense.

And that's when Blaine lost it. When he slammed his open mouth shut, willed his shocked muscles to move, and tore himself from Cooper's hands, from his begging eyes. Wearing nothing but pajamas, he opened the front door, righted his turned-over bicycle from the grass, and started pedaling. To where, he didn't know. Didn't care. He flew down the street, faster than he'd ever gone, the tears dry in his eyes, and Cooper's voice yelling his name lost in the darkness of the night and the constant pounding of the rain.


	2. Chapter 2

**I realize this is very short. Felt like a good place to stop :) dramatic tension is my favorite**

* * *

His heart was pounding so quickly, thudding in his chest like he'd never felt before. A hurt spread slowly through his body like a poison. He saw only the blurring road in front of him, only the rain dancing on the asphalt, his vision tunneling with anger and—

"Blaine!" The voice was shouting, far away still but catching up. He threw his body forward, willed his feet to pedal faster, swerving with the effort to stay upright. A car drowned out Cooper's yells, going past him and setting a glare on the rain in front of it. Cooper must be on his bike too. Or maybe he was running. Cooper had always been an athlete, even taught Blaine how to run correctly.

_No, no. Don't think about him. Don't!_

A sob inflated in his chest but he refused to let it out. It wouldn't help anything. Wouldn't do anything but slow him down. Another car came up the lane, this time a truck. A few quick honks of the horn, meant to warn, startled him and he swerved dangerously close. The driver yelled, "Watch it!" from his window as he passed.

His heart leapt in his throat and he slowed, only for a second. Adrenaline set his veins on fire and he pedaled faster, his only goal to keep going. Go until he couldn't anymore and maybe by then he'd be willing to be around Cooper without wanting to both punch him in the face and cry in his arms. He was so focused on what was in front of him, his hands were gripping the handles so tightly, legs tensed with effort and beginning to burn.

He shook his head quickly to clear his mind, stop the tears that threatened again.

"Blaine!" Cooper's voice was louder now. He was catching up. And Blaine couldn't go without stopping much longer.

Something snapped inside of him and he let out an exasperated groan, turned his head to scream back, "_No!" _hoping Cooper would get it and leave him alone.

But only the first syllable left his mouth, before he swerved again, overcorrected, and saw blinding lights before immediate pain crushed any more sound. He was thrown, slammed forward, his body twisting and scraping on the pavement, his bike crashing somewhere near him. The wail of a horn and hissing brakes filled his ears, hurting in so many places and the vision dimming quickly when his head smacked against the ground. The last thing he heard before it all went blank was a voice, reaching well over the amount of noise around him, hoarsely screaming in the way the only happens with great pain.

"_Blaine! Blaine… No!"_


End file.
